I heard a quote yesterday that stuck with me. I can’t remember it word for word but it was essentially ‘Time doesn’t exist in the form we think it does. The past is just your memory, the future is just your imagination and the only real moments in time are now’. I like this quote, I think it’s a great way to remember to live in the moment, that things don’t physically exist unless they are right here, right now. This actually makes alot of sense to me. I ruminate a LOT, it’s nearly always pointless rumination over things that maybe happened 20 years ago or more as well stuff I did five minutes ago and then on the flip side I also try to predict what’s ahead of me just as often. It comes part and parcel with the other foibles of mine so generously passed to me from Meldrew. Cheers Meldrew. Anyhow, I’ve gotten to a point where I completely understand that I need to stop doing this to myself after Therapist Katy helped me to see that it’s a detrimental cycle I’ve managed to get into and still offer some hope that I can get out of the cycle myself. This is a huge thing to deal with. One, being able to acknowledge the problem exists and two, being able to recognise when I’m doing it in that moment so that I can stop. In fact that’s my biggest hurdle for this whole thing; recognising reactions and symptoms while I’m in that moment with them so that I can try to learn to take control. When you live for so long behaving a certain way it is incredibly difficult to imagine being anything different. I mean sure, it’s easy enough to recognise the differences between our own behaviour and that of someone else and make comparisons or even try to mimic a behaviour but to actually change our behaviour for the foreseeable means we need to have a different outlook to start with before we can try to amend our detrimental behaviour. At least, this how I see things progressing for myself. 

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